Thursday February 9, 2012.
Golden -  My daughter with the beautiful, golden locks wants to dye her hair.  Brown.  She's sixteen, she has her own money - she can do what she wants.  But she asked for my permission, and I couldn't tell her it was okay.  I love Kenzie's hair, the silky texture, her cascade of curls, the way it glows in the light, I love it and  I would be so sad to see it changed.  So when she asked if she could dye her hair, I told her just that.  So far, she's still my girl with the golden hair.

324/365

Friday February 10, 2012.
One More Try -  I remember having my first panic attack when I was in grade one.  It was pancake day at school, and I was bringing the pancake mix.  I was so excited to have this honour and went off to school feeling proud and happy.  When I got to the end of our pathway, anxiety took over me.  It was happy anxiety, but anxiety nonetheless.  I sat on the little hill at the end of the pathway, confused of my fear and cried.  The school must have called my mom when I didn't show up to school, because she came and found me and sent me off to school.  My anxiety never really went away.  School always made the anxiety worse,  by high school I was absent more than I was there.  The fear seemed to paralyze me, suffocate me the fear kept me a prisoner in my own home. By the beginning of grade twelve, I could stand it no longer and I dropped out of school.  So here I am at thirty seven, hopefully older and wiser, ready to face my fears and give it one more try.  Today I signed up at the Adult Learning program.  Maybe this time...

325/365

Saturday February 11, 2012.
Everyday I'm Shoveling - Actually, he's gotten off pretty easy this winter, we've only had a handful of snowfalls, and Josh has taken his turn with the chore.  Not by choice though.  One day I said to him, "Josh you need to shovel the driveway."
"What?  I didn't know I had to shovel!" he said, completely taken aback that I was asking him to do physical labour.
"Okay, you're not in trouble, but you need to shovel the driveway." I said again.
So Josh went upstairs and got his coat and gloves on.  As he was putting his boots on he turned to me and tried once more.  "Umm, do you really want me to shovel the driveway, or do you just want me to play with Charlie in the snow?" 
Oh my gosh.  I think another grey just popped out of my head. 

326/365

Sunday February 12, 2012.
Easy Like Sunday Morning - I was talking to a friend recently, and she told me of her family's Sunday morning big breakfast ritual.  I would love this.  Growing up, Dad always made us big breakfasts at the cottage, bacon and eggs, pancakes, french toast or porridge.  I love the idea of the family gathering to start their day, and then I remember my family.  John wakes up grumpy, and everyone knows not to talk to him until after his second cup of coffee.  Josh and Charlie aren't all that hungry in the morning.  They would rather race downstairs to watch cartoons, careful not to wake their sister who fully admits that she isn't a morning person.  So the ideal Sunday morning big breakfast, gathering together to share our plans for the day aren't going to happen in my house. 

327/365

 Monday February 13, 2012.
Just Enough Information, please - Ignorance is bliss isn't it?  I'm playing with the idea of starting a new project.  A complex crafty endeavor that I have no clue how to complete, but I am confident that I can do it.  I went to the library to get some how to books for my hopeful project, looking for books with just enough information to motivate me, but not make me feel overwhelmed with the entirety of the project. 

328/365

Tuesday February 14, 2012.
My Loves - My heart beats faster when I think about how much I love my husband and my kids.  On Valentines day, I made a special dinner for my family.  Around the table we all took turns telling each other why we love one another.  It was a sweet day. xo

329a/365

 Tuesday February 14, 2012.
My Loves (part two) - My teenagers are finding new ways to connect, which makes me so happy.  On love day, the two of them sat together and giggled browsing through Kenzie's tumbler account. 

329b/365

Wednesday February 15, 2012.
It was a good day - I spent the afternoon in The Little Man's classroom, watching a classroom of kids get messy and create.  Charlie's class is an active group of kids, but once up to their elbows in clay, the class fell into zen mode.  I was reminded of the importance of creating, and what it can do to soothe the soul. 

330/365

Thursday February 15, 2012.
Lunch at the Park - Thursday was my first full day at school, and decided after an productive morning to take my lunch break at the park.  Thursday went so much better than when I went on Tuesday to meet my teachers.  On Tuesday I tried to work on the first assignments that I had been given. I sat at my desk and tried to concentrate.  One hour felt like six, and I left deflated, with little accomplished.

331/365

Friday February 17, 2012.
Nostalgia - Mom, KenzieKoogle.  For a few years, Kraft made flavored peanut butters.  I loved the cinnamon flavor and remember eating my last Koogle sandwich, not believing my mom when she warned me that it would be the last.  When I spotted the empty jar, I quickly reached to get it.  It now is sitting on the shelf in my kitchen along side the other empty jars, making the whole shelf feel a little less empty.

332/365

Friday December 30, 2011.
SNOW! - I'm so glad that we resisted buying The Little Man the new toboggan and snow helmet he wanted for Christmas.  The mild temperatures have brought with them lots of rain not much snow to speak of.  Finally on Friday, just enough of the white stuff fell for the boys to go out and play.

282/365

Saturday December 31, 2011.
Peeling Back 2011 - We had a quiet New Year's Eve.  John was on call and was called out at 10:30.  We knew he wouldn't make it home before midnight.  The kids and I called him and we all counted down together.  We made the best of it.  For the first time in twenty one years I didn't kiss my husband at midnight.

283/365

Sunday January 1, 2012.
Get Back - I was looking forward to having a do nothing kind of day.  John was eager to get the tree down.  He won.  We spent the day putting away Christmas.  The house felt so good and clean we invited Papa over for supper.  Just as I went into the kitchen to start preparing the spaghetti sauce, John's work phone rang, and he had to go to a call.  Did I mention that on call sucks ass?  Thought so. 

284/365

Monday January 2, 2012.
Slow Morning -  The Little Man likes to be first at everything.  It kills him that his older brother is able to wake up before him.  On Monday, Charlie slept in late.  It well past ten before he came down stairs, blanket and Mr. Bunny in hand.   

285/365

Tuesday January 3, 2012.
Getting Out -  The temperature had dropped and a cold weather warning was put into effect on the day I had agreed to have my nephews for a sleepover.  My nephews are great boys, but they come from different stock than us.  My guys are quite content to laze around all day.  If my nephews had to laze around all day, I think their bodies might spontaneously combust.  They are active kids.  By afternoon, I couldn't listen to another wrestling match, another pillow fight or another tickling fight.  The boys needed more physical activity than my basement could provide. We all bundled up and braved the frigid temperatures for a quick nature walk before the sun set.  Even thought we were only gone an hour or so, the time outside worked like magic.  The house was quiet for the first time all day.

286/365

Wednesday January 4, 2012.
Check the Manual - It was another busy day.  By the time I had a chance to take a picture the sun had already gone down.  I thought I would experiment with my Flash compensation button on my Nikon.  Bad Idea.  Somehow in doing so, I messed up the settings, and I had to reset my camera.  Crap, how do I do that again?  It's been a long time since I have had to check the manual.  Once I had it out, I decided that reading it again would be a good idea. Everyone needs a refresher once in a while.

287/365

Thursday January 5, 2012.
One Little Word -  Life at anytime can become difficult.  Life at anytime can become easy. It all depends on how one adjusts oneself to life.  - Author Unknown.
I choose my word.  Easy.  Easy does it.  Take it easy.  Take the hard road the easy way.  Easy Street.  What ever way you look at it, I'm game for an Easy year. 

288/365

One Little Word::Easy

One Little Word is a class I'm taken over at Big Picture Classes taught by Ali Edwards.  The  concept of One Little Word is that you choose a word to embody how wish live your year.

Last year for my one little word, I choose THRIVE.  Thriving taught me lessons and pushed me to grow into parts of myself I didn't know existed.  But after a year of flourishing and developing vigorously, I'm exhausted.

When I began to think about what word I would want for 2012, I joked that I wanted an easy year.  Would easy be such a bad word?  Easy has so many negative associations but the more I thought about it the more EASY started to make sense to me.  From the Gage Canadian Dictionary:

Easy - {ee-zee} adjective
1. requiring little effort.
2. free from pain, discomfort, trouble or worry: an easy life.
3. giving comfort or rest: easy chair.
4. fond of comfort or rest; lazy.
5. not harsh, not severe: easy terms.
6. not hard to influence, ready to agree with or help. Choose whichever one you wish, I'm easy.
7. smooth and pleasant; not awkward: easy manners.
8. not tight loose: an easy fit.
9. not fast, slow: an easy pace.
10. promiscuous
11. of a money market, favorable to borrowers.

I'm sure my husband wouldn't mind easy meaning promiscuous. 
But easy could mean so much more for me.   
Easy means letting go of the struggle.  Easy means that I don't define myself with my struggles.  Easy means acceptance, peace and joy.  Easy means rest and reflection.  Easy means laughter.  Easy means finding answers to problems not dwelling on problems.  Easy means freedom.

I'm ready for easy.