Saturday, February 18, 2012

Thursday February 9, 2012.
Golden -  My daughter with the beautiful, golden locks wants to dye her hair.  Brown.  She's sixteen, she has her own money - she can do what she wants.  But she asked for my permission, and I couldn't tell her it was okay.  I love Kenzie's hair, the silky texture, her cascade of curls, the way it glows in the light, I love it and  I would be so sad to see it changed.  So when she asked if she could dye her hair, I told her just that.  So far, she's still my girl with the golden hair.
Friday February 10, 2012.
One More Try -  I remember having my first panic attack when I was in grade one.  It was pancake day at school, and I was bringing the pancake mix.  I was so excited to have this honour and went off to school feeling proud and happy.  When I got to the end of our pathway, anxiety took over me.  It was happy anxiety, but anxiety nonetheless.  I sat on the little hill at the end of the pathway, confused of my fear and cried.  The school must have called my mom when I didn't show up to school, because she came and found me and sent me off to school.  My anxiety never really went away.  School always made the anxiety worse,  by high school I was absent more than I was there.  The fear seemed to paralyze me, suffocate me the fear kept me a prisoner in my own home. By the beginning of grade twelve, I could stand it no longer and I dropped out of school.  So here I am at thirty seven, hopefully older and wiser, ready to face my fears and give it one more try.  Today I signed up at the Adult Learning program.  Maybe this time...
Saturday February 11, 2012.
Everyday I'm Shoveling - Actually, he's gotten off pretty easy this winter, we've only had a handful of snowfalls, and Josh has taken his turn with the chore.  Not by choice though.  One day I said to him, "Josh you need to shovel the driveway."
"What?  I didn't know I had to shovel!" he said, completely taken aback that I was asking him to do physical labour.
"Okay, you're not in trouble, but you need to shovel the driveway." I said again.
So Josh went upstairs and got his coat and gloves on.  As he was putting his boots on he turned to me and tried once more.  "Umm, do you really want me to shovel the driveway, or do you just want me to play with Charlie in the snow?" 
Oh my gosh.  I think another grey just popped out of my head. 

Sunday February 12, 2012.
Easy Like Sunday Morning - I was talking to a friend recently, and she told me of her family's Sunday morning big breakfast ritual.  I would love this.  Growing up, Dad always made us big breakfasts at the cottage, bacon and eggs, pancakes, french toast or porridge.  I love the idea of the family gathering to start their day, and then I remember my family.  John wakes up grumpy, and everyone knows not to talk to him until after his second cup of coffee.  Josh and Charlie aren't all that hungry in the morning.  They would rather race downstairs to watch cartoons, careful not to wake their sister who fully admits that she isn't a morning person.  So the ideal Sunday morning big breakfast, gathering together to share our plans for the day aren't going to happen in my house. 
 Monday February 13, 2012.
Just Enough Information, please - Ignorance is bliss isn't it?  I'm playing with the idea of starting a new project.  A complex crafty endeavor that I have no clue how to complete, but I am confident that I can do it.  I went to the library to get some how to books for my hopeful project, looking for books with just enough information to motivate me, but not make me feel overwhelmed with the entirety of the project. 
Tuesday February 14, 2012.
My Loves - My heart beats faster when I think about how much I love my husband and my kids.  On Valentines day, I made a special dinner for my family.  Around the table we all took turns telling each other why we love one another.  It was a sweet day. xo
 Tuesday February 14, 2012.
My Loves (part two) - My teenagers are finding new ways to connect, which makes me so happy.  On love day, the two of them sat together and giggled browsing through Kenzie's tumbler account. 
Wednesday February 15, 2012.
It was a good day - I spent the afternoon in The Little Man's classroom, watching a classroom of kids get messy and create.  Charlie's class is an active group of kids, but once up to their elbows in clay, the class fell into zen mode.  I was reminded of the importance of creating, and what it can do to soothe the soul. 
Thursday February 15, 2012.
Lunch at the Park - Thursday was my first full day at school, and decided after an productive morning to take my lunch break at the park.  Thursday went so much better than when I went on Tuesday to meet my teachers.  On Tuesday I tried to work on the first assignments that I had been given. I sat at my desk and tried to concentrate.  One hour felt like six, and I left deflated, with little accomplished.
Friday February 17, 2012.
Nostalgia - Mom, KenzieKoogle.  For a few years, Kraft made flavored peanut butters.  I loved the cinnamon flavor and remember eating my last Koogle sandwich, not believing my mom when she warned me that it would be the last.  When I spotted the empty jar, I quickly reached to get it.  It now is sitting on the shelf in my kitchen along side the other empty jars, making the whole shelf feel a little less empty.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Tuesday January 31, 2012.
Getting His Craft On - Last year, when he was in school part time, we used to have our Monday craft days.  I miss creating with him.  So when Charlie asked if he could make a craft after dinner I was thrilled to open the craft cupboard and watch him go. 

Wednesday February 1, 2012.
Empty-  The feelings of emptiness that seem to come each winter wont last forever.  I remind myself of this as I try hard to fight off the winter blues. 

Thursday February 2, 2012.
At The End of The Day - weekly self portrait -
What do you dream about at the end of the day?

Friday February 3, 2012.
Sick Day - It was a PD day, but I wouldn't have sent Charlie to school today anyway.  The sniffles that he had been trying to fight off all week turned into a full blown nasty head and chest cold last night.  He must have been feeling miserable because I noticed that his favourite comfort items, Mr.Bunny and Blanket were being towed around the house with him.  Hope he feels like himself again soon.

Saturday February 4, 2012.
Hands - Saturday afternoon in my sunlit living room; ten hands, fifty fingers each busy doing their own thing as the the five of us connected with each other.

Sunday February 5, 2012.
My Life - In blog land it's easy to show the pretty side of your life.  It's simply a matter of editing your words and images.  Sunday was the perfect winter's day to go for a hike.  At the campground, I asked the kids to stand together so I could get a picture of the three of them.  I walked to the end of the dock, and when I turned to face them again, my bitchy hormonal teens had found something to bicker about again.  Welcome to my not too perfect, perfect life.

Monday February 6, 2012.

Tuesday February 7, 2012.
Nervously Waiting - For the second day in a row I found myself waiting at the Drive Test center with my daughter.  On Monday we waited together for almost an hour.  With a long line ahead of us, we were sent home before Kenzie had a chance to do the written portion of her drivers licence.  But on Tuesday, I sat alone, nervously waiting with my fingers crossed that she was going to pass.  She did.  Oh boy, here we go.  

Wednesday February 8, 2012.
Itty Bitty Rainbow - On Wednesday morning two itty bitty rainbows appeared with the sunrise.  I felt like it was a sign, that it was going to be a lucky day.  Perhaps even an itty bitty pot of gold at the end of it.  A girl can hope, can't she?